1. No more buffets

    • Buffets… one word… gross. There is nothing cute about anyone watching you dig out slices of beef from a chaffing dish with tongs. Nothing makes me feel more like an animal eating out of a trough during feeding time than buffets do.
  2. Temperature scans

    • This can work two ways. One, the obvious, it keeps people with temperatures from breathing in close proximity to you. But, also, it gives you an excuse to ditch the party. “Ugh, they turned me away, I had a high temperature.” I mean, we’re all running out of reasonable excuses to flake, so this new one is more than welcome.
  3. 6’ Social Distancing

    • FACT- Human touch is awkward, especially from strangers or coworkers. The seats in general sessions have always been way too close. In some cities the seats are even zip tied to the seat next to it making for a guaranteed, unpleasant thigh touch with your neighbor. You are both uncomfortably ignoring it, but know it’s happening.
  4. Hand washing stations

    • If this is new protocol for you… please reevaluate your life choices.
  5. Masks

    • There are several benefits to this new protocol that even ‘Karen’ can’t argue. Here they are:

      • People can only see your eyes, so why waste your time putting foundation, powder and a lip on. Give a dramatic eye and be done with it.
      • You can avoid people you don’t want to talk to by acting like you just didn’t recognize them. However, you don’t even need to pretend because most of us can’t recognize anyone with masks on anyway.
      • You can be your old grumpy self again, no need for the fake smiles and proper social pleasantries.
      • The phrase “I can smell the alcohol on your breath’ is no longer relevant. So, go ahead Debra, bring that flask full of White Claw and be semi-pleasant to your coworkers for once. Carry that slight buzz throughout teambuilding day girl!